Writer's Block: There Can Be Only One
May. 23rd, 2009 01:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sebastienne[Error: unknown template qotd]
Sure, I believe in it. I see it happening every day. Kind of like car-driving, I see that it is necessary for a lot of people, but doubt that it is really for me. I probably could learn to do it, if it was necessitated by my situation, but it's not high on my list of priorities at the moment. And if you put me behind the wheel of a car today? (No, I wouldn't crash it, but that's only because I wouldn't be able to get it going in the first place.)
I have never, ever understood the phenomenon of ceasing to find people-who-aren't-your-partner attractive once in a relationship. The fact that several monogamous people have told me they experience this effect suggests to me that I am wired fundamentally differently to them. I do understand the concept of choosing to promise fidelity, despite being attracted to other people; it's just not something I've ever done, or particularly see the point of. If I'm close enough to somebody, I want to share all of their joy and pain; this includes their crushes on other people. I like being able to share all of myself, as well. Parameters respecting one another's neuroses ('I'm not comfortable with you doing x' 'please always tell me before you do y' 'do you mind if we do z, sometimes?') are all very well, but aren't exclusive to nonmonogamous relationships - they're good for everyone!
Sure, I believe in it. I see it happening every day. Kind of like car-driving, I see that it is necessary for a lot of people, but doubt that it is really for me. I probably could learn to do it, if it was necessitated by my situation, but it's not high on my list of priorities at the moment. And if you put me behind the wheel of a car today? (No, I wouldn't crash it, but that's only because I wouldn't be able to get it going in the first place.)
I have never, ever understood the phenomenon of ceasing to find people-who-aren't-your-partner attractive once in a relationship. The fact that several monogamous people have told me they experience this effect suggests to me that I am wired fundamentally differently to them. I do understand the concept of choosing to promise fidelity, despite being attracted to other people; it's just not something I've ever done, or particularly see the point of. If I'm close enough to somebody, I want to share all of their joy and pain; this includes their crushes on other people. I like being able to share all of myself, as well. Parameters respecting one another's neuroses ('I'm not comfortable with you doing x' 'please always tell me before you do y' 'do you mind if we do z, sometimes?') are all very well, but aren't exclusive to nonmonogamous relationships - they're good for everyone!
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Re: Attraction
Date: 2009-05-24 01:56 pm (UTC)And it's something I have with pretty much everyone I meet, as well. The joy of getting to know someone - as you say, "all the fun it brings" is not just about the possibility that I might one day have a relationship with them! The development of intimacy is a wonderful thing that I cherish, and sex/romance is almost incidental to that.
I would definitely be attracted to the married woman. I am, to several. The presence or absence of the possibility of a 'relationship' just doesn't affect the joy of intimacy for me.
Re: Attraction
Date: 2009-05-24 08:57 pm (UTC)Oh, and I really liked what you wrote about creating intimacy that's not based on sex and romance. For me, that's one hallmark of a healthy mindset, and one I'm trying hard to adopt.
And a final oh, I was just joking with that young comment, right? I'll try and educate myself about the poly world, so I might have some more intelligent opinions in the future.
Take care
-- H