Writer's Block: There Can Be Only One
May. 23rd, 2009 01:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sebastienne[Error: unknown template qotd]
Sure, I believe in it. I see it happening every day. Kind of like car-driving, I see that it is necessary for a lot of people, but doubt that it is really for me. I probably could learn to do it, if it was necessitated by my situation, but it's not high on my list of priorities at the moment. And if you put me behind the wheel of a car today? (No, I wouldn't crash it, but that's only because I wouldn't be able to get it going in the first place.)
I have never, ever understood the phenomenon of ceasing to find people-who-aren't-your-partner attractive once in a relationship. The fact that several monogamous people have told me they experience this effect suggests to me that I am wired fundamentally differently to them. I do understand the concept of choosing to promise fidelity, despite being attracted to other people; it's just not something I've ever done, or particularly see the point of. If I'm close enough to somebody, I want to share all of their joy and pain; this includes their crushes on other people. I like being able to share all of myself, as well. Parameters respecting one another's neuroses ('I'm not comfortable with you doing x' 'please always tell me before you do y' 'do you mind if we do z, sometimes?') are all very well, but aren't exclusive to nonmonogamous relationships - they're good for everyone!
Sure, I believe in it. I see it happening every day. Kind of like car-driving, I see that it is necessary for a lot of people, but doubt that it is really for me. I probably could learn to do it, if it was necessitated by my situation, but it's not high on my list of priorities at the moment. And if you put me behind the wheel of a car today? (No, I wouldn't crash it, but that's only because I wouldn't be able to get it going in the first place.)
I have never, ever understood the phenomenon of ceasing to find people-who-aren't-your-partner attractive once in a relationship. The fact that several monogamous people have told me they experience this effect suggests to me that I am wired fundamentally differently to them. I do understand the concept of choosing to promise fidelity, despite being attracted to other people; it's just not something I've ever done, or particularly see the point of. If I'm close enough to somebody, I want to share all of their joy and pain; this includes their crushes on other people. I like being able to share all of myself, as well. Parameters respecting one another's neuroses ('I'm not comfortable with you doing x' 'please always tell me before you do y' 'do you mind if we do z, sometimes?') are all very well, but aren't exclusive to nonmonogamous relationships - they're good for everyone!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 05:22 pm (UTC)Remember that this can be spectral rather than all-or-nothing, as well. I find plenty of people who aren't sccye attractive, I just don't find them *as* attractive as him.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 07:25 pm (UTC)I've noticed that how much I notice other people as being attractive depends on how well I'm getting on with my partner, and how recently I've seen her. When we lived apart during term time, it was almost binary: suddenly about two weeks into term, I'd start to find other people attractive. The effect of how well we're getting on is much more of a sliding scale, though.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-24 01:50 pm (UTC)June 9th - an hour of frantic goth-dancing between 8.30 and 9.30? A's DJing again and it would be awesome to have you there. xx