(no subject)
Jun. 3rd, 2006 01:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Why did I let myself be volunteered for the cast party?! I've spent the last five hours trying to get my room into a state where a) people can all fit in it and b) when they inevitably spill their drinks, they won't destroy things that matter to me.
And I'm just not touching the kitchen. If party guests choose to brave it, that's their own look-out.
My parents were up yesterday. Talking about the logistics of taking me "home", which made me inexplicably upset. Like, shaking, disconnected thoughts, hiding tears. I'm not bloody going home, I'm leaving home, to spend a year with my accomodation subject to the term-dates of an institution by which I do not define myself. I am a resident of Oxford - and I'm about to spend 3 months away from home, against my will.
These last six months have been great, better than great, phenomenal.. and I don't want to think of the ramifications of spending half as long again away from everything that Oxford is to me. The only place where I could ever stroll up to the parks and watch pretty boys LARP-sparring and pretty girls firing LARP-pistols. Ashley, James, LARP, libraries, Intrusion, Helen, Joff, Doom, Magdalen chiming in the morning...
The square hole for my square peg, to steal a phrase.
Tidying this room for the party, I'm thinking about how, in less than a month, I'll be packing it up, never to return... Melodrama. I probably just need to snap out of this or something. Tell me I'm being silly?
And I'm just not touching the kitchen. If party guests choose to brave it, that's their own look-out.
My parents were up yesterday. Talking about the logistics of taking me "home", which made me inexplicably upset. Like, shaking, disconnected thoughts, hiding tears. I'm not bloody going home, I'm leaving home, to spend a year with my accomodation subject to the term-dates of an institution by which I do not define myself. I am a resident of Oxford - and I'm about to spend 3 months away from home, against my will.
These last six months have been great, better than great, phenomenal.. and I don't want to think of the ramifications of spending half as long again away from everything that Oxford is to me. The only place where I could ever stroll up to the parks and watch pretty boys LARP-sparring and pretty girls firing LARP-pistols. Ashley, James, LARP, libraries, Intrusion, Helen, Joff, Doom, Magdalen chiming in the morning...
The square hole for my square peg, to steal a phrase.
Tidying this room for the party, I'm thinking about how, in less than a month, I'll be packing it up, never to return... Melodrama. I probably just need to snap out of this or something. Tell me I'm being silly?
no subject
Date: 2006-06-03 12:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-03 02:52 pm (UTC)PS, I tried to MSN you, but if you still need a hoover, there's one sitting just opposite my room...
no subject
Date: 2006-06-03 02:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-03 04:30 pm (UTC):P
no subject
Date: 2006-06-03 08:56 pm (UTC)You are leaving somewhere, and a time in a place you've been happy is ending. These are natural things to be sad about.
BUT. You are not losing the people that have been special to you. You are not leaving forever. From the discussions we have had, it seems that your family and london home are not objectionable in themselves - they are simply not the same peak of fulfilment that oxford has given you.
I suppose what I'm getting at is: yes, leaving is sad. But it is not an absolute thing, it can be compromised and adapted to your needs.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-03 10:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-04 12:30 am (UTC)Look at me, I'm there almost every weekend. From London it's easy. Twould be especially easy for you, having lots of people willing to offer you places to spend the night.