sebastienne: My default icon: I'm a fat white person with short dark hair, looking over my glasses. (amanda sing)
[personal profile] sebastienne
Why did I let myself be volunteered for the cast party?! I've spent the last five hours trying to get my room into a state where a) people can all fit in it and b) when they inevitably spill their drinks, they won't destroy things that matter to me.

And I'm just not touching the kitchen. If party guests choose to brave it, that's their own look-out.

My parents were up yesterday. Talking about the logistics of taking me "home", which made me inexplicably upset. Like, shaking, disconnected thoughts, hiding tears. I'm not bloody going home, I'm leaving home, to spend a year with my accomodation subject to the term-dates of an institution by which I do not define myself. I am a resident of Oxford - and I'm about to spend 3 months away from home, against my will.

These last six months have been great, better than great, phenomenal.. and I don't want to think of the ramifications of spending half as long again away from everything that Oxford is to me. The only place where I could ever stroll up to the parks and watch pretty boys LARP-sparring and pretty girls firing LARP-pistols. Ashley, James, LARP, libraries, Intrusion, Helen, Joff, Doom, Magdalen chiming in the morning...

The square hole for my square peg, to steal a phrase.

Tidying this room for the party, I'm thinking about how, in less than a month, I'll be packing it up, never to return... Melodrama. I probably just need to snap out of this or something. Tell me I'm being silly?

Date: 2006-06-03 12:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darthfox.livejournal.com
You are being silly. Really, Em, as if a person can't have more than one home? (I've got three, and the one that's closest to my heart is the only one where I haven't got a place to live at the moment.)

Date: 2006-06-03 02:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foulds.livejournal.com
Ohhh, shiny people gathered in one place - and I haven't seen you in ages, Emma darling - any chance I could pop my head in for the start of the evening? (Can't stay long though, essay tomorrow :( )

PS, I tried to MSN you, but if you still need a hoover, there's one sitting just opposite my room...

Date: 2006-06-03 02:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] libellum.livejournal.com
You're not being silly. At the end of my second year I spent the last of my trust fund staying in Cambridge over the summer so that I could have a social life. It was miserable with all my college friends away and no internet in my room, but I went out with the camgoths every night and saw my boyfriend in London every other weekend and I painted and got a job, and it was infinitely, infinitely better than living with my parents (who both work from home) in a city far away I have no connection to any more. It was worth every penny. Seriously, investigate jobs in Oxford, ask about college accommodation or whether you have any friends who need a temporary housemate. You could continue to investigate the you you have discovered this year, rather than being forced back into being the you your parents expect you to be. It would be a step forward for you, rather than going back.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-06-03 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flannelcat.livejournal.com
Square? You?

:P

[livejournal.com profile] libellum talks sense. Listen up. :)

Date: 2006-06-03 08:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stronglight.livejournal.com
Bits of what you say are silly. Bits are not.

You are leaving somewhere, and a time in a place you've been happy is ending. These are natural things to be sad about.

BUT. You are not losing the people that have been special to you. You are not leaving forever. From the discussions we have had, it seems that your family and london home are not objectionable in themselves - they are simply not the same peak of fulfilment that oxford has given you.

[livejournal.com profile] libellum is right, you could stay in oxford the whole time. Even if this is too drastic, you are not far away, and there is nothing to stop you visting. Why not oscillate and spend a few weeks staying with friends here and then a few at home? Or, if work is needed, spend the week in london and the weekends in oxford. Or something of the kind.

I suppose what I'm getting at is: yes, leaving is sad. But it is not an absolute thing, it can be compromised and adapted to your needs.

Date: 2006-06-03 10:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mejoff.livejournal.com
You're not being silly at all, and if you can't find a way around the buggrinoff, then you will be missed just as much as you will miss. And you will be back.

Date: 2006-06-04 12:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] glamwhorebunni.livejournal.com
When you've been touched by Oxford, you never really leave it.

Look at me, I'm there almost every weekend. From London it's easy. Twould be especially easy for you, having lots of people willing to offer you places to spend the night.

[livejournal.com profile] libellum, as always, Speaks Much Sense. Listen to her.

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