(no subject)

[sebastienne]

i have a great relationship with my parents. they are not psychos, control freaks, or tories, they are kind and accepting and intelligent and loving. i also know how lucky i am in this regard, compared to most people i know.

none of this changes the fact that being in their house - because i'm not "at home" here any more, not really - sucks out of me all my soul and motivation. sure, this house is the antithesis of everything i want in life (look at me, rejecting my parents' values so completely, i bet that's never been done before), but that's not what this is about. when i am here i feel ugly, i feel a failure, i see myself differently in london mirrors. things make me sad that would make me happy in oxford.

i think of you roleplaying in Doom tonight and feel sick, trapped here. it occurs to me that i've never had a life-goal before as clear and achievable as "build a life in oxford".

of course, i had the life goal "get to oxford". but my image of the future was always a little hazy after that. now, there's just a glimmer in my mind of the kind of things which are possible. and they don't involve dogs or dishwashers or digital tv.

Comments

[potatofiend.livejournal.com]

I'm just nodding along to all of this.

I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home. For some reason the heel-clicking doesn't seem to be working.

[glamwhorebunni.livejournal.com]

Oxford is a different world, a better world.

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

i see myself differently in london mirrors
Oh.

Yes. That's it, exactly.

*hugs*

[the-whybird.livejournal.com]

Completely agree. There's no way I ever want to leave Oxford now. Not even if I have to work in Tesco and stack shelves to stay here.

[slasheuse.livejournal.com]

*bursts into tears with the yes-ness*

[foreverdirt.livejournal.com]

i see myself differently in london mirrors

Yes.

[sir-rosealot.livejournal.com]

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Even though these days I often feel as though I'd give anything to be able to go home, I have to remember how much time I spent there wishing I was here.