(no subject)

[sebastienne]

at the moment i am feeling incredibly happy, singing along to evanescence and harmonising.

i don't know why; maybe there is no reason. AG sent me the Harvard student newspaper, just because it had an article about BDSM in - no other reason. i'm reading anne rice again, queen of the damned. today i had the best damn mocha in the world, i don't care that it cost £2.25.

this morning, however, i was more depressed than i have been in ages. so depressed, in fact, i was thinking like ginsberg in the voice of tom waits.

I hate homophobia in the college that holds queer bop. I hate one quarter of American states passing laws that outlaw love in law. I hate a world in which this can happen, but kiss the lips of my dead God in gratitude for the European Court of Human Rights. I am scared of America and I fear the American dream, because I don't believe it cares who it hurts on its way to fulfillment. I am scared of myself and the fact that I am not Gandhi, I am scared because a man was killed on the South Bank for his homosexuality. I am scared that no-one will listen to me because I am not Ginsberg. I am scared that no-one is listening to Ginsberg because he's a dirty filthy liberal, fighting the homosexual agenda. Who next, Whitman too? He liked boys, I guess his strophes were all for nothing. I guess he must be evil and corrupting and we must protect the children! Because God forbid they would think it OK to love someone.

at least the fact that i have to buy my own food means it's harder to fall back into the cycle of compulsive overeating. i haven't done that once since i arrived here. in fact, i have generally been happier since arriving here.

Comments

[chains-of-irony.livejournal.com]

Yay! Anne Rice! But I won't babble, for I fear I did that to you at the fanfic soc.

I do like the tom waits quote, scary and topical... :( His first sentence - you're not having trouble at your college are you? (translation - do you want me to pound anyone the next time I'm in Oxford?)

[hothien.livejournal.com]

Queen of the damned, oh yes, loved it, still do! I can see why your happier, i know i am here, not everythings the same, theres new stuff to do, people to meet and places to explore (god i sound like an advert)

[sebastienne.livejournal.com]

lol, sorry, that's not a tom waits quotation - it's my own depressed ramblings in the style of tom waits reading ginsberg. hence topicality!

nobody needs pounding, it's in my head more than it is in the college - but i do find myself intimidated by heterosexual males. i want to be able to come out and feel cowardly for not doing so. *shrugs*. it's me, not them.

[sebastienne.livejournal.com]

yes, but it's true - there are ups and downs but, generally, i am happier here than i have ever been. i love being able to do what i want all the time.

[ladylick.livejournal.com]

*huggles you* just remember, though there are gross BIGOT PIGHEADS, there are heterosexual people like me (i am essentially het :p) who want to be gay because, without trying to grossly confine them to a stereotype, they are generally cool, wonderful, and more tolerant people.

also, you rock.

also queen of the damned!!! a ladylick recommendation has made its way into your reading list! *loves you madly*

[sebastienne.livejournal.com]

yes! i'm halfway through already, it totally rocks XD i especially love all the red-headed-ness. but, in places, anne rice doesn't even try to pretend that she's not just writing soft pr0n. (that's not a criticism.)

and, yes, gay people are just cooler :p but, it's ok, you & narayani can be my token straight friends!

[ladylick.livejournal.com]

haha thanks :)

and you and simon and alice can be my token gay friends. and paul, my new gay friend from here, who is SUCH a hoot and you will have to meet him.

queen of the damned is wonderful. lestat is hot. we don't mind the porn, it keeps us warm through long winter nights (oh i forgot you have a girlfriend to snuggle with now you lucky poop :p).

that is all.