the Mx Chronicles pt I

[sebastienne]

For those that don't know - "Mx" is a title. Y'know, the bit that goes in front of your name, like, "Mx Sebastienne Stardust". I often explain it by analogy to "Ms" - much as Ms was created to get rid of the shitty situation where a woman was forced to disclose her marital status (or, to *appear as if* she was revealing her marital status) through her choice of Miss or Mrs; so Mx was created to get rid of the shitty situation where a person is forced to gender themself through the title they use. (More on Mx: from Ganymede on the Lashings blog.)

I have set myself a goal of becoming a Mx by the end of the calendar year. Now, this really should be easy - titles have no legal standing in UK law (unless they are tied to particular qualifications, eg, Dr) and when I stopped being Miss Sebastienne Stardust and started being Ms Sebastienne Stardust, nobody batted an eyelid or asked for a deed poll.

But - as many genderqueer people and their friends reading this will already know - it ain't always that easy.

There are systems problems - "computer says no". Places that *require you* to use a title from their drop-down list, which might include "Wing Commander" but almost certainly won't include "Mx".

There are human problems - "that's not a real title", "I'll need to see a deed poll".

(A "deed poll", of course, having about as much legal standing as a title, ie, not very much. But already, I'm starting to think that I may need to get one if I'm going to make this work.)

A few weeks ago, I contacted my bank to discuss this change. (This is the same bank that moved me from "Miss" to "Ms" without too much faff, about five years ago.) They flat-out could not help, and continued to address me as "Ms Stardust" throughout the conversation. Eventually I got them to agree that they could remove the title from my bank cards, but their internal systems? Not even that.

(And I've had other customer service problems with them recently - they very nearly cost me a job through failing to provide a bank statement that I repeatedly requested - AND they've just been bought out by hedge fund managers. So.)

Yesterday, I visited two banks to enquire about moving my current account.

The Coventry Building Society was perfectly happy to put "Mx" on my record, as long as I could provide a deed poll; but they needed me to deposit a certain amount every month, which in the current economic climate, could be difficult to commit to.

Nationwide Building Society said that there was no way they could put Mx, even with a deed poll (computer says no), but they could remove my title altogether (this could be a good workaround if my primary goal was to not be gendered; but actually, my primary goal is to increase the visibility of Mx). They offered an account that suited my needs quite well, so I am considering finding an address and writing a letter to see if I can get Mx on their systems.

(I should also do some more reading about "Ms" - after all, that was a new, created title and feminist activists succeeded in getting it into the mainstream. What tactics did they use, and how can those be mirrored today?)

A side-note on appropriation - when I write here about my experiences of becoming a Mx, I'm doing it from the perspective of a cis woman. (Becoming a Mx is giving me FEELINGS. Reading some of the non-binary people on my flist talk about having similar body types to mine is giving me FEELINGS. But, yeah, cis.) This means that - when I explain the concept of "Mx" to someone, and they keep calling me "she" - that's not invalidating to me. I am operating here with a lot of privilege, and I'm probably going to screw up in how I write about this stuff, and potentially appear like I'm appropriating elements of genderqueer identity in order to be extra queer and edgy. This is something that I'm going to need to navigate with care, and I will do my best - but, yeah, I'll probably screw up at some point. I'd feel honoured if anyone reading this felt able to tell me when I do.

Comments

[kaberett]

I promise to call you on things if I think you're being shitty. Obviously I don't speak for all people-of-my-gender but I think this is awesome, and I REALLY DO need to write that article...

[sebastienne]

Thank you. I know that making that promise is an act of trust, and I really appreciate it.

(And, yeah, will hopefully catch myself before ever using "..my trans* friend said it was ok!" in a discussion on appropriation...)

[silverhare]

This is excellent and interesting! I'm working out my own feelings on being non-binary at the moment, and thinking about the faff of changing my title and last name, so it is going to be interesting to see how your journey goes.

Mx Hare Hazelwood has a nice ring to it, I think. :)

[sebastienne]

Yes, it does!

(I've been reading your posts with interest, even though I'm terrible at commenting - thank you for sharing.)

[vass]

Depressing note: the first discussion I ever had with my peers about Ms (age about 7 or 8) one of the people I was discussing it with explained it like this: "It's for if a woman doesn't want people to know she's divorced."

My mother's been a Ms for longer than I've been alive, and she was never divorced. But she didn't revert to her maiden name after her first husband died, or take my father's name when she married him.

Further depressing note: I had to fight my bank on getting to use Ms, not Miss. This millennium (I think in 2000.) I told them that if it was such a problem for them, I would settle for Mr, which at least is a title of respect. They caved soon after that, grumbling that they'd need to issue me a new card.

[deathbyshinies]

> the first discussion I ever had with my peers about Ms (age about 7 or 8) one of the people I was discussing it with explained it like this: "It's for if a woman doesn't want people to know she's divorced."

That idea is still with us! Two weeks ago I had my CRB check (criminal background check for working-with-children purposes) done for Guiding. The online form wouldn't permit me to be 'Dr', so I had to go for 'Ms'. Several pages later, I discovered that having selected 'Ms' triggered an extra sequence wherein I needed to tell the form what my former married name was, and when I'd got divorced. Lovely.

[glittertigger]

Interesting stuff. Good luck, and I will look forward to hearing how it goes. I think I would rather we could abandon titles entirely, as they all seem to be essentially shorthand for status/social position, and just relate to people as individuals using the names by which they choose to be known.