(no subject)

[sebastienne]

Dear Emma:

For future reference, note this historical pattern. Every time that you get upset because Ashley is in some way unresponsive when you need her (from being compltely MIA to simply being asleep when you text) it always turns out that she's having a downswing. Which you then make worse by whining about her "not being there for you". If you were slightly less self-abosrbed, maybe you'd notice that she needs you to be there for her?

When you're so pathetic that you feel pain when you know she's hurting and there's nothing you can do, hurting her through your own stupidity is a double wammy of screwing yourself up. Don't fuck with that shit this close to finals. Seriously.

Love,

Emma

Comments

[queerpup.livejournal.com]

It is hard to be there for someone else, particularly someone you care for deeply, when you're needing support yourself though.

[darthfox.livejournal.com]

Thank you, yes. You said it better than I did (and much more succinctly).

[darthfox.livejournal.com]

I don't know, kid. I'm not going to disagree with the second part -- if you know she's not there because she's downswinging, you're right that getting upset with her for not being there is unfair, so if you can avoid it, great.

But don't lose sight of the first part, okay? The reason this came up was because you needed her, right, i.e., you were already in an unhappy place yourself. That's before anything to do with her state of mind and thereness-for-you even enters the equation, right -- don't blame yourself for needing her in the first place. Being unhappy is not pathetic. Repeat as needed.

[boykitten.livejournal.com]

[bighugs]

x boykitten x

[ex-leighwoos982.livejournal.com]

Monkeycuddlesu

[deathbyshinies.livejournal.com]

*snoof*

It is hard to look after someone else and look after yourself, too. You do an excellent job, and even manage to take care of your friends into the bargain.

Realising where things are going wrong and pointing it out to yourself is a sign of the fact that you care enough and are intelligent enough to analyse the situation.

You are also incredibly, incredibly whatever-the-opposite-of-self-absorbed is. And you shouldn't be ashamed of needing to be the Frodo every now and then! Although if you know that this is not the right time for that, and you know that you're strong enough to wait, then that's amazing as well.

xxxx

[anotherusedpage.livejournal.com]

It's ok to need support yourself. It's ok to be upset when that support can't come from the person who you love and who loves you.

But a support network needs more people in it than two. Know that we are there for you, if you need someone there for you.

[forgiveninasong.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel, love.

My gf has finals right now, and as much as I know she needs me, I have been totally selfish and wanted her to be there for me.

It's a hard game we play, but it does get easier.

xxx

[sashagoblin.livejournal.com]

*silent but heartfely sympathy*

[steerpikelet.livejournal.com]

You are doing fine. This type of love brings risks but isn't it worth it just a hundred million times?
Love you both. I'm sorry, I hope you're feeling better.

[foxjazz.livejournal.com]

I do this with Rhydian too.

Just thought I share that you're not the only one.

[pozorvlak.livejournal.com]

While it's your right to post this kind of personal stuff if you want to, can I suggest that you either friends-protect it or write it pseudonymously, or both? Google sees all, and what's more remembers things for a long time.

Other than that, good spot.

[sebastienne.livejournal.com]

i'm intrigued by what kind of negative consequences you forsee from this being in the public domain.. there are no surnames, so i don't see what i have to fear from google. enlighten me?

[pozorvlak.livejournal.com]

Well, I dunno. On the other hand, I work on the basis that it's better to avoid threats entirely than have unanticipated ones come up and bite me on the arse years later.

[pozorvlak.livejournal.com]

I think this (http://jwz.livejournal.com/759326.html?nc=18&style=mine) is what I was trying to say.

[andustar.livejournal.com]

Indeed, you need not fear Google. LJ caches like crap anyway. However, your journal is not at all anonymous. For a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend it's not at all difficult to work out who you are, and that's often a wider circle than you think.

If you're okay with sharing this info to such diverse people as... *looks at own userinfo* Charles, my best friend from school who knows of most of my friends by proxy, my mother or my sister, people you particularly dislike but are somehow connected to your social circle, and other diverse characters... then that's fine. We all have different standards of privacy. But posting things on LJ can give the illusion of a small audience of friends when really it's as public as woah. And given the smallness of Oxford, it may be worth considering the possibility of these things filtering back to say workmates and even employers.

Then again, friends-locking is not particularly secure in this kind of context either. It's more anti Google than anti gossip. More like a 'do not disturb' sign than a lock on the door for someone who really wants to try to get in.

Something to think about, in any case.

[sebastienne.livejournal.com]

Thing is, my journal makes no attempt to be anonymous; I consider lj to be a public forum. I'm fully aware of the possibility of stalkers and future employers and family reading the things I write.. that's why I don't write anything publically that I don't mind them reading. I guess I don't understand what in this post is going to do any damange.

[andustar.livejournal.com]

Sure. So long as it works for you, that's what matters. It's not really a case of harm so much as just how much (or little) you mind people from other spheres knowing about your personal life. Since they may also be people you dislike. I know most people wouldn't want to share that much info, but really all that matters is that you are comfortable with it.

[sebastiality.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Need anything? I am free-ish (should be around Wadham) until 6.30 xxxx

[sugar-and-space.livejournal.com]

We'll never stop fucking up, we're only human.

All that matters is that we try our best, and remember that whenever we fuck up, it's a mistake, and we still love each other...

*hugs*

I love you more than I can ever say.