Hi Sebastienne, I've never commented here before, so first of all hello to you and greetings from Israel - I'm a huge fan! :)
I crawled out of my cave because I pondered this issue in the past and being a devout monogamist, I'm quite interested in understanding the poly mindset.
Attraction, at least for me, is *a gradual process*, in which I explore and admire the attraction object's (hereafter AO) traits, while at the same time I indulge myself with thoughts of how cool it is (/would be) to spend time together. The process has to be triggered by the AO's general coolness, and at least for me, by a theoretical possibility (however slim) of a future relationship, but other that that, it's quite an internal and crucially, a volitional process.
Bearing that in mind, I think that when a monogamist is in a relationship he simply doesn't look at other people as potential partners and then the above (volitional) process is not initiated. A poly on the other hand, feels free to initiate the process and indulge in all the fun it brings. In short, I feel it's more of a lifestyle choice than something inherently different in the way attraction works, but I'm curious to hear what you think.
And finally, just to exemplify, let's say you meet this truly awesome (wo)man. (S)he's amazingly beautiful, bright and witty, but also married, with 3 children, a house and a dog. Will you feel the least attracted to h(er|im) in any meaningful sense?
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branchandroot
Attraction
Date: 2009-05-23 09:15 pm (UTC)I crawled out of my cave because I pondered this issue in the past and being a devout monogamist, I'm quite interested in understanding the poly mindset.
Attraction, at least for me, is *a gradual process*, in which I explore and admire the attraction object's (hereafter AO) traits, while at the same time I indulge myself with thoughts of how cool it is (/would be) to spend time together. The process has to be triggered by the AO's general coolness, and at least for me, by a theoretical possibility (however slim) of a future relationship, but other that that, it's quite an internal and crucially, a volitional process.
Bearing that in mind, I think that when a monogamist is in a relationship he simply doesn't look at other people as potential partners and then the above (volitional) process is not initiated. A poly on the other hand, feels free to initiate the process and indulge in all the fun it brings. In short, I feel it's more of a lifestyle choice than something inherently different in the way attraction works, but I'm curious to hear what you think.
And finally, just to exemplify, let's say you meet this truly awesome (wo)man. (S)he's amazingly beautiful, bright and witty, but also married, with 3 children, a house and a dog. Will you feel the least attracted to h(er|im) in any meaningful sense?
-- Hillel