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Doctor Who and happiness
Oct. 6th, 2009 11:11 am( only spoilers for image/appearance, not plot )
Life continues well. I have free time, truly free time, for the first time in, well, ever; so if there are things I can do with my time that will make your life nicer, let me know.
The only thing I'm having to fight is the idea that it is somehow a failure to have decided to step off the conveyor belt awhile. I've been on this conveyor belt ever since they identified me as "gifted" aged 7 and paid for me to go to a posh school for four years - work hard at prep school so that you can get the scholarship to the independent secondary school so that you can get good GCSEs so that you can get good A-levels so that you can get into Oxford so that you can have your pick of careers, do your library traineeship and an MSc so that you can be a career librarian by your mid-twenties and keep climbing that ladder the rest of your life. Never be satisfied, always yearn for the next thing, keep wanting more. Up the ziggurat, lickety-split.
I do have to remind myself that this constant feeling of well-being, the one that's been with me two solid weeks, ever since I handed in, might not last. Moods fluctuate, that's life, and "happy" means nothing without "sad" to contrast it with. But right now it seems that stepping off the conveyor belt is the best thing that I could possibly have done. Instead of pursuing an ever-moving "next step" goal, I'm just chasing happiness. Of course, I'll never be completely happy until I've smashed the kyriarchy, so that's not as hedonistic a goal as it may appear. But it's unutterably lovely. Long may it last.
Life continues well. I have free time, truly free time, for the first time in, well, ever; so if there are things I can do with my time that will make your life nicer, let me know.
The only thing I'm having to fight is the idea that it is somehow a failure to have decided to step off the conveyor belt awhile. I've been on this conveyor belt ever since they identified me as "gifted" aged 7 and paid for me to go to a posh school for four years - work hard at prep school so that you can get the scholarship to the independent secondary school so that you can get good GCSEs so that you can get good A-levels so that you can get into Oxford so that you can have your pick of careers, do your library traineeship and an MSc so that you can be a career librarian by your mid-twenties and keep climbing that ladder the rest of your life. Never be satisfied, always yearn for the next thing, keep wanting more. Up the ziggurat, lickety-split.
I do have to remind myself that this constant feeling of well-being, the one that's been with me two solid weeks, ever since I handed in, might not last. Moods fluctuate, that's life, and "happy" means nothing without "sad" to contrast it with. But right now it seems that stepping off the conveyor belt is the best thing that I could possibly have done. Instead of pursuing an ever-moving "next step" goal, I'm just chasing happiness. Of course, I'll never be completely happy until I've smashed the kyriarchy, so that's not as hedonistic a goal as it may appear. But it's unutterably lovely. Long may it last.
